Choosing a Character

Characters...a tv character or a movie character etc...? A personification of someone real or imaginary symbolising something thats already scripted...They learn and prepare for their role, rehearse and then give their final performance....And then there are audience to judge them; sleepless nights and lots and lots of hard work is judged by the people as significant or insignificant..And the judgement of the audience becomes highly consequential and a deciding factor about career of a person..

And a person struggles..Success or failure - everyone strives for better...The satisfied being stagnates..

How about real life roles? The role as sister or mother or a brother, a husband or a wife? There are no readymade scripts in real life, only performances and all of them LIVE!!!!!! And, the audiences do exist as well and even more so aware and judgemental about your performance...Because, they are impacted if you don't perform well and so, they would make sure to teach you a lesson at any time required...And so, you try to be more cautious and aware of the situations, trying to predict them beforehand and act accordingly...Many times, you do fail... And then, you try changing characters..An employee, a husband, a son or a wife embodying an imaginary character that meets the expectations of their respective audiences..And they try to script everything.. And they rehearse and they perform and they are judged...And performance after performance, creating scripts in perplexing situations, the person remains in two minds...Follow the script or the self..And this is one decision that he has to take everyday in every other situation...And then, this life becomes a big pretence...

And then, the Sun rises...Start of a new day and an old struggle continues...A man at war with himself or his audiences...Or can he script a middle path and walk a fine line? Lets try and script it...

The phoenix

And in the end it’s all just ashes….that is what remains of a human life….and when the noise and the clamour dies….when the wails become silent and the tears dry….when all get re-occupied with the routine and the mundane…..then is the time when it rises…..rises like a phoenix….taking its shape from those very ashes…..all those memories which you never even knew that they existed…..all those moments that you had never even registered….all of it and much more…..it all rises in the form of that phoenix and slowly and subtly reminds you of its presence….in between your meeting schedules…..when you are cooking in the kitchen….when you are driving….when you are reading with a cup of tea in your hand….when you are watching your favourite show on the television….when you are just about to hit the bed….when you are in your shower…..and anytime when you least expect it to…..the phoenix becomes a part of your life…..to remind you of a human life that once existed…..and also to remind you that you will also one day be that phoenix….and also to remind you, not how inconsequential human life is, but on the contrary, how precious and priceless it is…..because it might just end any moment….and you might not even know….one moment you are a human life…..and the next you are a phoenix…..so where is the place in all this….of all the trivialities….of all the adjectives we use to classify a human life…..and give a status to those adjectives that is larger than life itself….the adjectives that classify and compartmentalize a human life into male and female and the rest….into Hindu and Muslim and the rest….into a Punjabi and a Tamil and the rest…..into a believer and a non-believer and the rest….and into the million other categories that we devise…..and spend all our lives doing it…..devising categories to fit people into them….so that we could decide whether to love them or hate them or just ignore them…..and in all this…the one single life that we have…that is our own…..just passes by…moment by moment….second by second…..closer and closer to those ashes…..to rise into a phoenix….a phoenix that is just a mirror of the human life that once was….as trivial or as consequential as that human life could make it…..

Hold your cuckoos tight!

There are voices. There are sounds. There are people speaking all around you. Sometimes relevant, mostly irrelevant. You listen in. You don't have a choice. Sometimes you register, sometimes you don't. And then you try to concentrate on something relevant to you.    You read a book or you tune in to some music. You feel better. There are things you feel like running away from and then there are things that attract you. You are jogging in the morning and hear a cuckoo's koo koo. You may like it. But why do you like it?  Because its tune to your ears but thats not really pertinent to you. May be you are not that individualistic that you just care about about your material obsessions. May be you FEEL some things. 
You have heart to feel and to distinguish between what to listen and what to feel. And so, all looks alright. But sometimes, you may want that same Cuckoo to just shut up. And then, you shout at it or may be, throw a stone at it and scare it. She stops to koo and flies away. And you are back to your own self. Happy or no, you must be unhappy, downcasted by someone or some emotion. And you are back alone. That cuckoo's voice wasn't really a noise but a soothing tune; but that day, you just did not register it. That day, it was just you.You subjugated and wanted to overcome everything around you. In a bid to control and hold back your own emotions, you dared to control others. In that moment, you held yourself supreme and instead of renouncing your own emotions, you went on to hurt others. The rhythmic cuckoo became a black ugly bird for you. Your perspectives changed, narrowing your view. Blinded by your own incapability to assimilate and conform to the circumstances, you just deepened the pit that was dug for you and you fell into it. 

Sometimes, It becomes really important that you feel what you must feel and control your mind and force yourself into action. There are situations when the mind just wants to sink itself into a pit hole, making circumstances more difficult. But, you mustn't fly the cuckoos away. There are people in your life that have always mattered to you and will always do. If you let them go, your life may not be the same again. 

India of my dreams....

Truth, logic and reasoning are crucified when jugglery and deception become the norm and goalposts are shifted. So when cow becomes "gaumata", eating beef becomes a sin and murdering people becomes an act to be sympathized with, because who can resist when one's mother is being attacked? The Constitution is twisted and turned, religion is used as a plaything and God....who cares about that anyway? And the Prime Minister, unfortunately and sadly has his hands tied because law and order is a state subject.

WELCOME TO THE INDIA OF MY DREAMS.

You are hereby constitutionally guaranteed the freedom of speech and expression....the freedom to say or to remain silent....but shhhh....shhhh....shhhh....how could you work as a bar dancer?...its indecent and vulgar....We bar you from earning your livelihood....Oh!...how could you wear such indecent clothes and venture out so late at night, all on your own? Don't blame anyone later....girls like you are responsible for your own fate....How could you even think of watching such vulgarity...so what if it is even in the confines of your bedroom?....We forbid you to do it....what?....you want to attend the concert of the famous Ghulam Ali....but have you forgotten his origins?....so what if he is an artist par excellence....so what if he is just another individual as everyone else is....We will ensure that no such concert takes place at the first place....how could you even utter those words?....have you forgotten your gender?....how can you even have a thought of marrying a girl?.....Don't forget it's a sin....We forbid you.....What?....you are tired of living in this undeserving world?...But who told you, you have a right to your life?....We condemn you to live....because it is we who decide....we the people....we the collective....you are just an individual....inconsequential....invisible.....WE are the ones who rule....and shall always do....

WELCOME TO THE INDIA OF MY DREAMS.

The Outsider

They assure you…and they reassure you….

There’s no doubt in their mind that you now completely belong…

That you are all just one….that the impossible has become true….

That there is nothing that now remains…..nothing for which you shall long…..

 

And then it all begins….slow and silent….subtle and sublime….

Those furtive talks….those secret laughs…..at first you don’t care a dime….

But then it grows….and gathers….and spreads….

Whispers become loud…as it gains multiple heads….

 

In scared awe…..in disbelief….with eyes wide open….you watch….

In light and dark….with nakedness stark….its uncompromising march….

And it speaks and shouts….those words out loud….it had hidden all along…..

YOU ARE THE OUTSIDER…..you will always be….dare not even dream to belong….

Keep moving

A child was about to be born and the first thing she strenuously strove for was a challenging task, a struggle to make her way out of her mother's womb and reach this world; to see a world she waited for so many months, floating in a light-less water, alone and hidden from the world.

She was out in the world now and the meaning of life just changed for her. The world looked much more different than how it was in the past months. But that was how she had learned to be persistent and patient when it was most required because in such a situation, life did not give her any other option.

And so, a "struggle for existence" marked the start of life for the little child. And, though the life is much more that just thinking about the struggles, it just taught the child the underlying truth of living life; to never forget that in times of need when you would feel stuck and disgusted by the situations, you need to believe that there is a definitely a light at the end of the tunnel and so, you should just keep moving and never stop.

And this would be your journey - not just to the last day of your life but an inner journey to the spiritual confines of your soul and living this life based on constancy of ticking clock. The train of your life will halt at morning and night stations and the time spent in between would be the defining factor of the life. And the train never stops and so, you don't get that option. Happy or unhappy, you would be pulled by the train. This is just another way of letting us know - To LIVE and live happily. You are doing your best. Even if you failed at something, you either did try your best or you learnt. 

The clock keeps ticking, the heart keeps thumping, the sun keeps rising and setting, the eyes keep blinking, the thoughts keep running through your mind...Movement and marching ahead happily is the sole lesson this life wants us to learn and the sooner we learn, the better the results would be...

My Voice

My Voice…did I ever have one of my own?...

I spoke often but the words, I am afraid, were loaned…

 

The mothers…fathers…brothers….sisters…uncles….aunties…neighbours….

That every person other than myself….young or old….lesser or greater…..

All those who existed in the past…those that lived….and would one day live…

Some of those who mattered and some who were just another blip…

Some who had always only spoken that which they heard from someone else…

Some who were oblivious of mind’s existence….some who crooned paeans dedicated to their own self…

Some who always shouted….some who never spoke….

Some who thought only this…”Life will take its own course….”

Some who could think….some who only pretended to….

Some who wanted to hold on….some who could just let go….

 

In all these voices of him….of her….of all of them….

Did I ever have one that was my own….that was saying something more than just following the trend?...

 

This question is not mine to answer….at least not mine alone….

We will all have to answer it some day….can’t dodge it for too long….

The day we choose to answer this….let’s hope it dawns with a bless….

That the only word that parts our lips….is nothing but a resounding “Yes”….!!!!

Look ahead

The day was marred by so many 'why's....certain decisions taken in the past....Why were they taken and even though they proved right, it sounds immaterial now if they point to an aimless direction...What marks an action as a right or a wrong decision is to be decided by proper justifications of the mind, but what if the mind lack those? Then u must not be trying enough and not living the life to the fullest..And your struggle to evolve and be aware of yourself must go on until you realize and understand the complex phenomenons of your mind and then, you need to tame your mind as per your own awareness..The mind gains awareness to know whats its doing wrong and then tames itself towards the correct path..Correcting oneself is the need, the sole desire and soul peace..And so, the time that's yet to come had more bearing than the past and so, whys look more appropriate to the future decisions than to past and so, 'look ahead' is the need of the hour and must be followed religiously. There are many tasks lined ahead and if they can be well planned logically, the life would certainly change for better. The unnecessary inconvenience needs to be avoided with the sole motive of look ahead policy...
All the best